Casper Ghost was the word I once used to describe myself. After decades of serving the public and being at the core of making sense out of chaos, I’d become a social ghost. A non-factor in making a daily difference in people’s lives. We get this unrealistic image of what retirement is supposed to look like, and once we arrive, it’s like making hotel reservations at some scam vacation site. This is especially true for cops who mash their identity to what they do, as opposed to

Shut Off In the spirit of full disclosure, I’m writing this behind closed doors in my office on a beautiful Saturday afternoon while my wife and kids go about a day without me in it. It’s not because anyone is angry with each other. My wife knows and is fully aware of why I’ve once again isolated myself in the office. I woke up and realized why it was that I’d been near impossible all week. Even up to the night before, my wife said some of the things I had said were “strange”

25 Days of 31: Broken and Blue “How long does it take you to write a book?” I’ve been asked that often. My reply for a full-length novel is about 30 days for the first rough draft. Lifetime This book, Broken and Blue has taken about 30 years. No, not because I wrote it slow, but because it’s the story of most of my life. I don’t mean the chronological account, but the parts that affected me most – the good and the bad. Police work takes a heavy toll, but it’s often the life

I’m thankful to be a part of Five Stones University’s online self-improvement course development. I was able to design several courses just for men. The first two are 30-day challenges that lead brothers along a daily walk toward restoration. This new course, Breaking The Chains Of Past Pain was created using God’s words of instruction and encouragement as a foundation for your life. It’s very personal, as I also share so many difficulties I endured while struggling with the

19 Days of 31: Rough is Relative Someone posted on my page that they had a rough week. I scrolled past it thinking, you have no idea. Rough Dropping the girls off to school, one of them talked about all of their homecoming week activities and that it was a rough week. Leah & I sat up until after 3:00 am talking and praying over a situation I’m working on. Typing this with about 3 hours of sleep, I think it’s been a rough week. But, truth be told, rough is relative. I love the

No, not the gray hair or the lines etched strategically across my weathered face. What I finally see is what’s no longer there. It’s Not There The hard, stone-faced expression that held hollow eyes that had seen too much. Or the worried frown from a quarter century of digesting everyone else’s trauma without healing from my own. I don’t see the rigidity in my battered frame from a life of hypervigilance, hard physical abuse through specialized training or living on a few hour

8 of 31 Days: It Was Me Have you ever felt your spouse’s tears roll across your shoulder? Over the last few weeks Leah and I had engaged in what we like to call, “spirited fellowship”. While I’m fairly easy-going by nature, I still have that man-mind tendency to flare up the feathers when I feel disrespected or threatened. Leah had done neither, but I sensed something being wound up tight inside my spirit. I couldn’t put a finger on it, but it felt old and it felt familiar. S

Broken and Blue: A Policeman’s Guide to Health, Healing and Hope This is possibly the most important project I’ve ever worked on. Policing took so much out of me, and in effect, I took so much out on the people who loved me. Spend more than 1 hour on the Job, and you know the pain I’m talking about. You can know freedom. I will walk you through to the other side where there is hope and healing. This is about giving you the key to break free from your pain. “…I placed myself i

Today is PTSD Awareness Day and its time for those of us in law enforcement to learn more about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and take a stance on how we will preserve and maintain our mental health and resilience in the face of a very toxic career. Today’s the day and June is PTSD Awareness Month and we encourage you to learn more about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) not only to help yourself but your peers and the family members who need you by visiting the website